Goals and decisions

Things have been quite messy for me these days. And that is why i haven't been able to blog and write down my feelings as often as I wanted to.

After typing that sentence, I have come to realised that it was not because of the fact that I was too busy. It was due to the fact that I have gone into the mode of "Floating". What do I mean by floating, let me explain. Floating is a state where you are doing things on auto pilot mode. You no longer think/know why you are doing it. You are just doing things to perhaps fill up your time or using that activity to avoid the challenges you are facing. Things that are done during the floating state is not productive nor does it serve a purpose in your life. When I mean productive, I am saying that the activity does not make you a better person by your own standard. It doesn't change anything nor does it puts you forward towards a goal. Something this can be seen as being "lost". You suddenly are not wiling to take the appropriate effort and time to persuade something that you truly enjoy.

For me it is singing. Sometimes, I go late for class thinking that it is alright. I have no idea why! I mean, for me, being late is a problem. If one reaches an appointment on the dot, he/she is considered late. It has come to a point whereby I could tell myself that it was alright to go a little later even though I know that it is not right. Decisions get messed up when one is in a float state. People naturally would not put effort into something that he/she does not enjoy or see no point in doing. But when that goal is clear, he/she will be able to make that decision very very easily. To go or not to go. It is that simple. If going makes you a little better and that is what you want, then do it! If not, there would be no reason to go.

To be clear of that goal will need practice. I for one, will lose sight of my goals very often. I get into the  float state very easily. The only saving grace I have is that I am conscious of it when it happens. I am at times, able to bring myself back on track. But it is a very tiring process. From on track to float to track again. I could probably identify some problems that have contributed to this cycle. Perhaps it is that I do not REALLY know what I want from the last time I set myself on the track or my perseverance is very low. Something like when I do something and it does not have immediate results, I tend to get impatient and look for something else thinking that this is not the solution that I am looking for.

To touch on further about me seeing something as not a solution, I look at my gaming habits. When a certain character does not seem to work for me, it get bored and proceed to switch to another. I put in some hours to learn the moves and combos and off I go,; thinking that this is the solution that I am looking for. I have went from king to steve to dragonov to feng. Swee has not touched anyone else except Asuka. His familiarity of Asuka grows each day and for me to learn so many characters, results in me not seeing progress. The progress shows itself in the first few sessions of training, because I am a fast learning and things some to me rather fast, so I see fast results. I get satisfied with the fast results and tell myself that, hey this might be just what I am looking for! But things don't turn out that way. After a short lived victory, things would go down hill from there. I have learned about the character only on the surface but have not fully explored the character.
This transcends into work, in the beginning I thought to myself it was ok to get a low pay as long as I enjoyed the work. Things then started to change, I was not as motivated at work and I am starting to complain on the low pay that I am receiving. So am I telling myself that I made a wrong decision the first time? Or my priorities have simply changed. Perhaps I now understand that money is very important and I would need more to save up for that flat or family that I am preparing to start. Or perhaps I now understand that the people there more and it does not fit my taste.

today after hearing my best friend's gf's dad talk about the character in people, I wanted to give the job a second chance. What I got from the talk was that when you do good, when people know that you are reliable and will be able to stand in if ever another needs to do something else, you will be 'seen' and people would know that this guy has the right attitude. For one thing, I know that I was not putting in my all and things became half fucked after a while. My thinking was, hey if the other party is not gonna support me, then I am not going to support him/her! It doesn't make sense to be the one getting abused right. I have come to a conclusion that I will be the one to tell him/her that I am capable and will be able to deliver. Saying is one thing, but delivering is another.

What I want to do now, is to ask myself again, what is it that I want? and what do I need to do in order to achieve that. I dream. A lot. So much that I am always looking at the clouds as I walk the Earth. NO stairs or ladders built to even attempt to reach the clouds. All I did was say what kind of plans I had but I never acted on them. For once I shall help others to help myself.

I will look deeper into king/armour king and ryu. What is the goal in this one? For one I would like to be on equal footing with bugis people. So I can make my own TTT2 card!
I will be looking at singing more seriously. (In order to achieve my desire to sing live at bars. Because I want peple to enjoy my singing)
Work wise, work out what do I want to learn in the currently company and where would I be going next. Once my goals are set, decisions will be easy. The moment you cannot decide, it would mean that the goal in that aspect of thought is not strong or you don't have a goal for that activity.